Oh Liam, your head smells so good. Right now, you are nestled up in the Bjorn while I write away. The heat from your little body is warming up my chest. I’m about to tuck those fat little legs in so that we can both be comfortable. I notice the universe swirl on your head, that spot towards the back of your head and trace my finger around your galaxy, smoothing out your light hair. Your sister’s is beginning to fade out, which happens as the hair grows longer. Sometimes I wonder what worlds are lost when it disappears.
I started this post fifteen different ways. Each time something happened that pulled me away. Annabelle wanted breakfast, the laundry needed to be finished, I needed to fix dinner for Honey, you needed to be fed, you needed to be burped, DIAPERS, and so on. If you could talk, I’m sure it would be to say, “STOP PUTTING ME LAST”. Sorry to tell you buddy, but you are last. It does not mean that you are not important. You are my last baby; you are the final piece of the puzzle to our family. I was willing to do all the crazy again, just for you.
Apologies are in order though. We don’t have nearly as many pictures of you do as we did of Annabelle. I don’t know why except that everything happened so much faster with you. When Annabelle was born, at least for me, I was in such a state of shock that it was like, “Take a dang thousand pictures!! I am going to forget how wonderful you are because I’m too busy bitching about the lack of sleep and all this crappy pain with my boobs!!”
With you, I did not freak out about a schedule (which you are sort of on and sleeping through the night already! Thank you and mwah!) I am not worried about your latch, how to save you if you choke, or if I should turn you back over on your stomach in your sleep, if I should be a CIO or attachment parent, or when to feed you solids. Which means I can enjoy you, the baby you, with snuggles in the early morning when I just can’t help squeeze those cute fat rolls on your legs and arms!
The day you were born, Annabelle loved you too. She would gently put her hands on your face, cooing “baby!” I was expecting a nasty turn of first born toddler jealousy and instead, she welcomed you into our family with a warm heart and soft hands. I love watching Annabelle interact with you. In the morning, she likes to come up close to you and peer right into your eyes, “Hi Baby!” she says drawling out the ‘a’ while patting your head softly. It’s sweet. And then it hits me.
I didn’t think it was possible to love someone that much twice, but I do.
I’m so glad that you are a part of our family Liam.