And Baby Makes 3

Since I’ve become a Mom, I’ve gone through several variations of myself.  Before babe, I was adamant that nothing would change.  There was me and there was baby – two separate entities.  I thought for sure I would be a working mom, showing baby that a woman can do it all without having to give up anything.  Bill and I were going to Bradley Method classes given by a lovely doula Kristen D.  We chose the Bradley method as it taught us about what actually happens when a woman gives birth, the stages and so forth.  And it’s all about going natural and using your body as it was designed.  It’s a great way to learn everything you ever wanted to know about pregnancy.  I learned about the third trimester that there is so much blood going to the brain that women get what’s typically called “Pregnancy Brain”.   It sounded similar to what it must feel like for a guy to have a well, a  _______ .  Or … Pregnancy Brain equals Man with Viagra.  The first video I watched of a natural birth, my thought:  Give me the epi!  I really wanted to go au natural, but not after watching a video of what natural looks like.  When writing the birth plan, there was an option to see what’s going on via a mirror in the delivery room.  That was nixed too.  There was no chance ever that I wanted to see myself in that position.  Ever.

On Wednesday June 15th, after ingesting some incredibly hot wings, baby decided she was going to come into this world.  My contractions started very slow but by the next morning, they were coming in pretty strong.  Bill drove to the hospital and we fought over where to park (me:  Park the f***ing car!!!)  At the hospital, we had our first “check” and we were told that we would be admitted.  A few minutes later, I projectile vomited over my lovely husband.  *Before getting to the hospital, I drank lots of water rather quickly so I wouldn’t have to have an fluids IV.  Maybe drinking the water wasn’t worth it, but the look on my hubby’s face was definitely worth it!  So 26 hours later on Friday June 17th at 4:34 am, I delivered via a husband coached labor session (he was awesome)  with a little petocin to get things moving, no epidural, no stitches, and a crazy rat’s nest hairball that took me four days to work out.  Oh ya, all that and a baby girl too.We stayed in the hospital for the full maximum time allowed.  I can’t even remember if it was one or two days now, it’s that blurry.  Yes, we ordered room service.  Yes, we asked the nurse tons of questions.  And YES I wanted to bring her home with us.  Her = the nurse!  I was scared to even put baby in the car seat let alone actually take her home and try to figure out what to do with her.  The problem was we bought a ton of pregnancy books, but not one on what to do with a newborn.  Already, we were bad parents.  Bill took the back roads and I cried the whole way.  For the next month, I would be unequivocally b**** slapped by this cute little bean.  Thankfully, my parents were here to help (that’s not even how grateful I was… Hallelujah and I kiss the ground my mother and father walk on) because the first month is a giant hairball of emotional out pour of frustration, joy, fear, happiness, and sad.  For example, there’s this cute tiny little thing who has her finger wrapped around mine and laying on her light bed to cure jaundice.  With no sound, it’s a beautiful picture.  Yet the room is filled with a piercing sound coming from her mouth as it has for the last hour.  She just woke up an hour ago, she has eaten, and there is a fresh diaper on her so I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong with her, I don’t know her cries yet to “know”.  That doesn’t sound too bad, I hear you non kiddy folks thinking.  Now, let’s add that I was afraid to p*** for a week, my mouth ready to heave nails at Bill, and my boobs hanging out because the slight touch of fabric sent me into a sh**storm of pain.  Oh the joy of nursing.  At first, it was like hellfire raining on my boobs where everyday was a freakin’ challenge first with mastitis and then the lovely thrush.  Next up, a milk blister on the left and then a blood blister on the left.  If that wasn’t enough, I stopped one side or the other to relieve myself of the pain and the ladies became engorged.  It doesn’t sound that bad, except it is.  They were both rock hard so I soaked up a diaper in warm water and placed them on my chest, which finally helped and at the moment I felt maybe just maybe I would keep doing this, along came more milk blisters.  F***.   Thank you KellyMom & La Leche League.  Somehow these sites kept me sane and focused with information regarding the unknown gauntlet I was running to feed this baby in the most healthy and natural way possible.  It’s the only reason I kept nursing.  Well, I also kept at it because there was a possibility of losing a lot of weight and it’s a lot cheaper than formula.  I digress.  So let us continue the hell that is the first month.  No sleep, crying, and doing this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced and I’ve walked 500 miles across Northern Spain mind you.  The breaks were many but never enough.  I was ready to go back to work and let someone else deal with the crazy.  I would just pump.

I never got around to it.  Every day got a little easier and besides the idea of pumping that much drove me a little crazy, I hated seeing my nipple so outrageous.  Then about three months after she was born, she slept through the night.  PRAISE THE LORD.   I could wear bras and shirts again.  I started my Bikram Yoga classes again (with a special Manduka mat gift for myself), but I couldn’t even bend over to touch my toes.  After class when I asked her about a pose, my yoga instructor had to tell me, “You have a new body, don’t fight it.”.  Oh dear skinny & beautiful yoga instructor with the perfect French accent, it seems I have a new everything these days.  3 months after baby’s birthday, I went back to work.  That first week was oh so bittersweet.  Yes, I enjoyed being at work.  It was nice to get a full 8 hour break, but I hated knowing someone else was with her, put her down for naps, and got all those sweet smiles that made my heart sink and swim at the same time.  Plus my boobs had turned rock hard and were about to explode because I forgot my pump.  At the end of the day, I knew I would rather sing ABC’s and lullabies to her than be stuck in some meeting room while someone rambles passionately about work.  I decided to become a SAHM “Stay At Home Mom”.  I let my boss know the following Monday.  Two more weeks of work and I gladly handed over my badge and computer.  The walk out of the office was slow.  I was trading my work life for a new deal.  One that involved working through all the hurts and pains to be a part of my family because I would do it all again for little miss Bella Blue.  You can’t even imagine the love that swells up in a heart – I didn’t think it was possible, I thought people dramatized the whole shebang.  But its true and my little heart was swollen with a fierce type of love that can overcome any milk blister.  Enter stage right:  a Dr. Seuss balance act of riding a horse on a ball with a fish on top and a baby which all makes for the utter grand beginnings of a fantastic new chapter starring my family
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6 Comments
  1. I love this post Heather! I laughed and about cried (from identifying with you on many levels) at the same time! (katie kivett)

  2. I love this post Heather! I laughed and about cried (from identifying with you on many levels) at the same time! (katie kivett)

  3. Grandma is so proud…..

  4. Grandma is so proud…..

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