2×4’s of Dreams

I haven’t updated in awhile, and to those people who look forward to a daily Rock Stew, my apologies. I felt overwhelmed by life and couldn’t find the hour or so it took to update the blog. In retrospect, it doesn’t seem like that much time, it’s just an hour or so. The funny thing is that when I stopped writing to give myself more time to do other things like finish my assignments for class, work, and keeping up with the household, I found that I didn’t catch up on any of those things. I, with pleasure akin to skipping school, slept in. But after a month of not writing in the blog, I began to feel a longing to feel my fingers crisply hitting a key, building a story each morning, the mental stretch of what I was going to say, and more importantly, how I was going to say it to elicit a plethora of feelings, such as laughter and love, to feel the depths of success and the seering edge of failure. The good things all have a scientific name which is called Oxytocin. The bad things probably have a scientific name, but let’s not go there.

The good feelings are the spirit of which I’m remodeling the house of my life. The acting upon my dreams are the 2×4’s being used to build a structure. Inside, the walls will be made of love and I’ll decorate with pictures of friends and family, locations that I’ve traveled, and chatchki’s from around the world.
I started to review the architectural plans about a year and a half, and I wrote down all those things that I felt would make a life complete and I titled it, “Growing a Tribe”. I wanted a life that I could be proud of, and that someday my grandbabies would be sitting around the table with milk and warm cookies , spicey nutmeg in the air and say, “WOW Gramma! You really did that?!?!” Slowly and yet suddenly, things fell into place. First, I found Melvin. It was a funny thing because at the exact moment I was feeling this unbelievable need to rescue and care for him I was resentful about the loss of my freedom. I wanted to cling onto the old things, to resist the change, when I realized that building this tribe that I had dreamed of for so long also meant tearing down walls and old structures. Eventually, I learned to care for Melvin and began the groundwork of understanding what it means to be a part of something grander than my own designs. Then I took on more responsibility at work, and I tried to be a better friend, a better daughter. Today and tomorrow, I try to live a little bit of that dream. Everyday, I take a step towards growing a tribe.
This weekend, my boyfriend proposed to me. He came into my life about a year ago as an administrative change, a movement in offices. I cannot begin to tell you how lucky I am that fate has decided to cross our paths. Of course, the fates tempted me with “Do something you would NEVER do for love?” Like date someone at work. I decided to just … hang out with him for the day. The next day I decided to have him over for dinner with a friend. Then we went to REI together, and each day we shared just a little bit more. Literally, day by day we kept doing things together until two weeks had passed and every single night we were spending time. A year later, he was on his knees asking me to be his wife. Even though I always believed it would happen, I never thought in a million years that somehow it would all collide together in one single moment.

I’m finally headed down a path I’ve always wanted to head down. I know it won’t all be flying kites and tulips, but I’m sure it’ll be darn close. Soon, other things will take place as we work on this house of our life. I’m sure of it. You just have to believe, and everyday we water the dream and put another sheet of drywall of love and hope up and keep building and keep growing.

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