I mean the word, “nothing”. Yesterday, nothing was going to stop me as I hiked up ran 8 miles and hiked up Mt. Si. Today, I want to do nothing. There was a moment passing, I believe in the dark while I slept, when my body parked itself into the garage of muscle pains and my mind turned on a soundtrack of dark metal music when I woke.
What has surprised me was how slow my body is taking to make actual change. After several tough hikes and running for three months, this past week, I noticed change in my yoga and how long I can run. The time it’s taking for my body to change makes it difficult to stay on task, I feel obsessive now, working everyday for little to no change. If I had chosen a different “habit”, that behavior would be considered crazy. Age and genes are two stubborn mules that I’m coaxing out of the barn with carrots and a switch.
From my townhouse in Redmond to the borders of Woodinville is a total of 10 miles on the Sammamish River Trail. It was a perfect day for running, with the sky slightly overcast and clouds forming bulbous Rorschach test and a slight breeze. As my feet pounded the pavement, my eyes began to lose focus and my head sounded an alarm. Nothing, let no information in I said to myself. My body knows how to breathe, the heart knows how to pump, the legs know how to run, and I don’t need to think.
It worked hiking up Mt. Si, letting myself zone into a meditative trance as we pushed up the mountain. (Btw … I lost my keys up there, so if anyone happened to find a set, let me know!). We were slow hiking in ankle deep snow, and in some places knee deep. I was looking to do a time trial, carrying 30 pounds, but I missed it by 40 minutes (3 hours 10 minutes). I’ve made it up on time before, with my heart beating and my lungs huffing and puffing and my head about to explode with cuss words.
Balance is part of my sign, Libra, and balance is what I must find as I push the boundary between my limits and creating a new limit, forming that new boundary. The body is capable of amazing things as we all know having read accounts of people who run 100 kilometers, or lifting unbelievable weights, or using their body to chop through blocks of cement. Much of what we do, or don’t do all begins and ends with what the gray mass thinks it is possible.
I still don’t know why my head tries to hold me back. Likely, it’s a survival mechanism that keeps me from doing crazy death defying things. Is it being a woman and its a biological thing? I don’t know. I do know that I come from a long line of rebel women who have always pushed the limit, whether it was marrying the priest and leaving their home country to start a new life in America or leaving New York City to drive across the country to start a new life in Montana. From these women, I get it, and I know that “nothing” works.
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